(recited by family, friends, neighbors) 

As I prepare and cook this meal, may I keep in my mind and my heart the holy purpose of providing comfort to these mourners.

May the work of my hands provide strength for their bodies and solace for their hearts.

May a sense of community provide some comfort in this time of devastation.

May the Source of Nourishment be with these mourners, sustaining them now and always.

-by Rabbi Janet Madden

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

When leaving a home where people are mourning, we offer words of comfort to remind the mourners they are not alone in their grief. 

People from Sephardi heritage traditionally say, “Min hashamayim tenachumu,” which means “May you be comforted by heaven.” And people from Ashkenazi heritage say, “Hamakom yenakhem etekhem betokh shaar avelay tziyon viyrushalayim,” which means, “May the Presence bring you comfort among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” 

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

If you have the opportunity to gather with loved ones as an individual is dying, here is a brief ritual and prayers for those who may prefer an alternative to the traditional Hebrew prayers. 

To start, you may hum a niggun (wordless melody), recite psalms or poetry or play music loved by the individual. Take a deep breath together. 

Now, take a moment to say your final words to one another. This may take the form of a conversation where you share cherished memories and gratitude, or just squeezing their hand as you say goodbye. The words below can help guide you.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

When mourners return home from their loved ones’ funeral, they light a special shiva candle that is designed to burn for seven days, the entire length of shiva. While there is no traditional blessing for lighting this candle, we hope these intentions help you feel a sense of light and a moment of crossing into this phase of grief. 

Lighting the Shiva Candle for the First Time 

Our souls are God’s candles. 

May the light of this candle bring me comfort and keep me company.

And when this candle is gone, may memory continue to illuminate my days. 

יהוה אוֹרִי וְיִשְׁעִי, מִמִּי אִירָא

יהוה מָעוֹז-חַיַּי, מִמִּי אֶפְחָד

Adonai ori v’yishi; mimi ira? 

Adonai maoz-chayai, mimi efchad?

If Adonai is my light and my redemption, what shall I fear? 

If Adonai is the strength of my life, what shall make me afraid? (Ps. 27:1)

שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל, יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ, יהוה אֶחָד

Sh’ma, Yisrael: Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad.

Hear, O Israel; Adonai is our God; Adonai is One.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Shiva literally means “seven,” as in the seven days of mourning following the burial. This period of intense mourning spans a week, though some people observe shiva for fewer days. 

During this time immediately after our loved one is buried, mourners stay at home, with family and friends taking care of their basic needs, sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. It is often referred to as “sitting shiva,” because in this period of grief, we are invited to simply sit and be with all of our feelings. Loved ones gather daily to say prayers and to share memories of the person who has died. 

Clip source: The Shomer Collective